it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
