ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
