we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize