I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
