Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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