i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
