I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
