i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
