and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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