i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize