Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize