***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize