It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
