Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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