Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
