Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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