I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
