i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
