Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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