I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize