Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
