I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
