sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
