I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize