even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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