hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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