I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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