You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
