Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
