How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
