Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
