trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
