He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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