i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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