It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
