Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
