i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
