My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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