I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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