She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize