I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
