How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize