I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
