Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize