Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
