Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize