Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
