The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
As shirtless as possible
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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