my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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