I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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