Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
