are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Help. Why am I so naked?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
