This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
