Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
