Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
