Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Little spoons don't ask big questions
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
