No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
