my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
