I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
