my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
