omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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