Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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